• Flash the RoadRunner

Common Sense Calendar Reform

Updated: Apr 24




Since Venus was ejected from Jupiter and caused chaos in the heavens circa sometime around 3770 BC, our calendar systems have been all over the place with chaos as a characteristic de jure.


The time to deal with this properly is long overdue and its really pissing me off at this stage of the game.


In Roman times the first month Martius was named after Mars.


This became March and was the first month in the old Roman Calendar.


January and February were added around 770 BC after the orbits of Mars and Earth interceded due to Venus stepping on both Earth and Mars orbital planes.


It took mankind quite some time to figure it out and many years of chaos ensued.


After things settled down with the planetary motions, we noted full orbits had changed from the well recorded 360 day orbit to a new 365 day six hour one.


As a result, the old calendars were a bit messed up and the lunar orbit changed as well from an exact 30 day to 29 and something periods.


Darn inconvenient is what that shit was!!


Regardless of what heavenly machinations upset these schema, we now need to go back to March being the first month through December (the 10th month) then January will be the new November and February will be the new December.


Of course April will have 28 and 29 day periods, it now being the new second month of the year.


The proper name for the new November (11th month) should be Undecember and for the new December (12th month) should be Duodecember.


So March, April, May, June, July, August September, October, November, December, Undecember and Duodecember.


The alien entities I have been talking to about this gaffe say this is why we are perceived as stupid as a species - they joke we cannot even count to twelve....Turns out it was not a joke after all.


I cannot argue with their logic either and confess that December being the 12th month has always disturbed me greatly and now I know why, it is the tenth month not the twelfth month.


Homo Ignoramus is all I can say in our defense really...........


My black magic spells do not work due to this issue either BTW.


Darn irksome that is!! I am forever recalculating the power of what is said when and it is all off by a horrendous degree, never mind the legion of virgins that have been sacrificed to Beelzebub to no avail over the last six hundred and sixty six odd years because he does not receive sacrificial offerings outside of the exact, designated and agreed upon times to receive them.


There is a protocol you know, thousands of years of tradition etc..


At least now I know why he is so pissed with mankind in general and what those seemingly bizarre and sarcastic comments he kept making about us wasting prime virgins were really all about when we met each winter solstice (There was me thinking he had no appreciation for the well wicked wenches we sent his way on the sacrificial altars and all every full moon and I was even mulling his potential senility seriously).


I was starting to suspect he preferred hard core bestiality related sacrificial fare or even that he may be ill or something......


But then I put myself in his shoes and it struck me he has not had the pleasure for more than a thousand years because we were too stupid to count to 12.


Poor guy!!


Jeez, you can't just recant spells and make sacrifices at any old time you feel like y'know!!


Anyway, for the obvious reasons stated, make it happen, the world will be a much better place once old Nick gets his rocks off. Thanks!!


Wally the Warlock - Hell's Gate Pylon - San Francisco



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